Top 10 Comfort Foods

     In March, Cooking Light had an article that featured the comfort foods of some of the world's most respected chefs, such as Jacques Pépin. They then crafted recipes for these comfort foods, lightening them just enough to make them healthier without sacrificing flavor.  I love Cooking Light's take on food, but I have to say that this article--and the accompanying discussion about your top 10 comfort foods--made me think more than most.

     I just couldn't help wondering about comfort foods.  Obviously, we all have them, but from the foods named by these chefs--soup, gnocchi, kimchi, Lebanese stuffed peppers, mashed potatoes--it's clear that what's soothing to one might not be to another. For instance, I find meatloaf anything but comforting: when I eat meat, I like to know exactly what I'm eating, and the thought of mixing it with eggs makes me feel, shall we say, less than comfortable. 

     There's research on comfort foods: scientists say that men and women prefer to eat different things when it comes to comfort: men like meal-oriented foods like steak and potatoes or soup, while women prefer snack foods that are carbohydrates or sweets, like potato chips or chocolate. Choices based on experience and memory seem obvious; the foods you ate as a child, or those that gave you comfort during hard times or illness, can bring back memories and make them extra-special to you.  But I think there's a lot more to this, and it's pretty fascinating. Does our choice of comfort foods say something about us?  

Inspired by Cooking Light's "top 10" lists, here's mine (in no particular order):

Mmmm . . . mac n' cheese

1. Kasha Varniskes
2. Macaroni and Cheese, preferably cooked in an oven until the edges are crispy.
3. My mom's Thanksgiving dinner
4. Borsht (I use the recipe from Frugal Gourmet) and challah with butter
5. Tuna melt, made in the toaster oven, open-faced, on whole-wheat bread with my mom's tuna salad
6. Sourdough bread, fresh from the oven, with butter (like they serve here)
7. Refried beans with garlic powder and Lawry's seasoning salt, warm, with melted cheese
8. My mom's berry or plum cobbler, warm with ice cream
9. Red beans and rice (I love the kind at Popeye's)
10. Homemade oatmeal, with brown sugar, cinnamon, walnuts, and cranberries

Red beans and rice: yum!

Now it's your turn!  

What are your favorite comfort foods?

Looking for inspiration and healthy versions of comfort foods? Try these links:

• Superfast Comfort-Food Recipes from Cooking Light
• Recipes from Taste of Home for comfort foods. They have tons of my favorites, though I can't eat this way every day . . .
• Tons of comfort food recipes from Cooking Light, by category
• Comfort Food Classics from the Food Network
• Interesting article on how comfort food can be healthy food
• From another wonderful source for healthy recipes, Eating Well, here are more healthy comfort food recipes and ideas

Wooden Dreams

   Whenever I breathe in the heady scent of cut lumber, I'm transported to my father's side in his workshop.  I'm just tall enough to see over the table covered with sawdust, and my dad is explaining a technique or asking me to hand him a tool.  Thankfully, my dad really believed it when he told me I could be anything I wanted; he never saw my gender as a reason to treat me any differently than he would have a son.  I don't remember when he started asking for my "help" in his workshop, but it was a constant in my early life.  It wasn't until I was older that I realized, through talking with friends and reading books, that it wasn't very common for girls to learn woodworking at their father's side.

   During those times in the workshop, Dad taught me so much: how to make repairs to a house, how to build anything you can imagine from wood, and how to keep a home running without calling in help.  He was a good teacher: patient, clear, and enthusiastic. He taught me the names of tools and what he used them for. He showed me how helpful organization was, and made sure I was safe. I had my own pair of gloves (huge on my tiny hands) and a pair of my own safety glasses.  We weren't the only ones in the shop, though Before I was old enough to help him much, my dad created "Segal & Son," a very effective partnership between he and my Zaida.  They eventually added  "& Granddaughters" and my sisters and I were able to join in the work . . . and the fun.  Those memories are priceless.

   The times we made an immediate difference to our family, like the time we fixed the menorah that broke hours before the first night of Hannukah, and those that challenged my fears, like the times we added tar to the many patches on our confusingly leaky roof, are the ones that sparkle in my memory. But it's the deep joy my father felt when he worked with wood that warms my heart most when I look back at those times.

   My parents both worked really hard for many, many years.  It was my fervent hope that when they finally retired, they'd have the chance to do the things they really enjoyed.  What a blessing to see those hopes realized!  Although my parents, like almost every retired person I've met, tend to do more in retirement than they did while working, they both have found time to pursue the things they love best.  For my dad, that's been working in wood.

    Although he's worked on many projects in the past few years, the most recent one really resonated with me.  Dad's been talking about it for a couple of years now, and started collecting the materials for it during my visit last summer, when we visited an art show that featured driftwood sculptures, and a person from the club was selling pieces of raw driftwood.  My dad picked up more pieces during a trip with my mom to their favorite places in Oregon, and this winter, he began work on a candelabra made of his finds.  He prepared and stained the wood, sculpted it in to place, and decorated it with stones and shells picked up on my parents' travels.  It's a gorgeous piece, and I just had to share it here.  It stands not only as a symbol of my dad's joy in working with wood, but as a reminder of several of the many things my parents enjoy now that they're retired: travel, time on the beach, and time together. It gives me so much pleasure to know how happy they are, and it gives me hope that one day I, too, will be able to focus solely on the things I really love.

My dad's beautiful work.

 

Let Us Break Bread Together...

More like my childhood: Robert and Vivian DeRosa share
Sunday family dinner; a long-standing tradition as
Robert grew up in the same home.
Age: Robert 60, Vivian 55  Time: 5:59 PM
Location: Fresh Meadows, Queens

     When I was a kid, I ate dinner nearly every single night with my family. All five of us would sit around the dinner table and focus in on each other and the food my mom prepared.  I realize that sounds a bit like something out of Leave It To Beaver, but that's truly what we did.  It happened, in no small part, because my mom ensured it did: she was convinced that having a daily meal together as a family was essential.  So, even though her days were busy, my father was self-employed and spent most of the day and night working, and my sisters and I all had numerous after-school appointments and activities, it was a rare evening when we didn't sit down as one family and eat together. 

Story Donich, a 2 year old has dinner
while watching cartoons on her iPhone.
Age: 2  Time: 6:31 PM
Location: Sunset Park, Brooklyn

    I couldn't help but think about this when reading about a project called "Dinner in NY" by photographer Miho Aikawa, which explores the ways in which New Yorkers eat their dinners and, more importantly, what they do during dinner. In his introduction to the project, Aikawa notes that a study recently noted that we "now do almost 50% of our eating while concentrating on something else," and his photos illustrate this clearly: a large number of his subjects are watching TV, browsing the internet, and using their cell phones.  Even a two-year old child watches cartoons on her iPhone while her parents seem immersed in their own private thoughts.

  

    Aikawa makes a strong point: although we're spending a large part of our eating time focusing on other things, we're spending more time eating: approximately 25-30 minutes more daily than 30 years ago. Not only is all of this extra eating time likely to mean the consumption of more calories, as it's hard to know when you're full if you're distracted by other things, but it doesn't seem to provide more enjoyment. We're spending more time eating and less time really experiencing our food.

Jessie Zinke, a designer, has leftover for dinner on
her bed, while watching her favorite TV show.
Age: 27 Time: 6:54 PM
Location: Chelsea, New York

   I recently started my attempt to follow Geneen Roth's eating guidelines, and was most worried about the one that says: 

 "Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense or anxiety producing conversation and music." 

Yikes.  Although I'm a huge fan of eating, I'm not entirely sure if I enjoy it on its own or if it's the combination of eating and reading, eating and being on the computer, or eating and watching TV that really gives me pleasure. Afraid of being alone with my own thoughts or, worse, suffering the ultimate hell of <gasp!> boredom, I really, really didn't want to follow this guideline.  It took me a couple months to really commit to doing it at every meal. After a week or two, I was shocked to find that even eating with another person was too much of a distraction for me.  I'd become meditative about my eating experiences.  I really tasted my food, and I was much more in touch with the ways in which my body responded to it.  My thoughts became friends, and I learned to be so much more comfortable with silence and stillness in other aspects of my life.  

Looking at Aikawa's project from that perspective, then, makes me a bit sad to see how many people spend their mealtimes distracted.  Where before I would have seen joy, I now see a kind of "half-life" because it seems that the people depicted are experiencing neither of their activities fully. 

I can only hope that people will continue to find ways to connect with their loved ones and their food: some of the most hopeful photos in this project, to me, are the ones that show people eating while talking with loved ones: on Skype, over a speakerphone, or even at the same table.  Although I really enjoy my food when I focus in on it by myself, it tastes even better when I'm eating it with someone I love.  As Aikawa says, "When you enjoy mealtimes, you're more likely to eat better."  I hope we all find more ways to enjoy our mealtimes and be there fully when we're eating. 

All photos by Miho Aikawa

Making Iced Tea

My best friend L, like me, loves tea.  So I was surprised when she told me that she didn't know how to make iced tea.  I tried to explain how I do it, but she found it too confusing.  Hence this blog post!

Sometime last year, I decided to give up soda. I've been drinking diet soda daily since childhood.  Considering the possible side effects of all those sugar substitutes ... well, it just seemed like a good choice for me.  But I love having something flavored with meals, so what could I drink?  The huge stash of tea in my pantry gave me a really good idea: instead of only making iced tea in the summer, I could make it year-round!  I make a couple pitchers a week, and it's made giving up soda eminently more palatable! 

Here's my method: 

 

1. Get everything in place. You'll need: 

• a way to boil water (I love the Adagio utiliTEA Electric Kettle; more about that later!)
• Tea (either loose or in bags)
• a way to steep loose tea (if using; I prefer t-sac's size 2 filters)
• a container to brew your tea; I find a metal bowl works well, but you can use anything that is safe from heat shock)
• a bamboo skewer
• sweetener (if desired)
• a spoon 
• a pitcher (I use Sterilite's Gallon Pitcher, which stains badly, as you can see. Any pitcher that is safe from heat shock should work fine)

 

2. Ready Your Pitcher

Take the lid off and lay it aside (we'll use it later as a tea bag rest). Add sweetener to your pitcher, if desired. Add enough to sweeten a gallon of tea (or the amount your pitcher holds).  Keep in mind that any granulated or thick sweetener will dissolve better in hot tea, so if you add it now, you'll have perfectly sweetened tea by the time it cools. I use a combination of agave nectar and vanilla-flavored liquid stevia.  I can add more stevia later if needed, as it dissolves easily in cold liquid. One of the best things, to me, about making your own iced tea is that you can use healthier sweetening options!

3. Prepare the Tea 

There are two different options I use: loose tea and tea bags.  I'll illustrate how I use each.  

First, loose tea: 

As I mentioned before, I like to use t-sac's size 2 tea filters.  You could use a tea diffuser or other method; just make sure whatever you use allows you to include enough tea for about 8-10 cups (with room for expansion).  A general rule of thumb is one teaspoon of tea per cup, with an extra one "for the pot."  Some methods for making iced tea have you brew very strong tea, then dilute it with cold water or ice.  I find that brewing several pots with the same tea allows me to make a mellow iced version that isn't watered down.  In order to accomplish that, you need to use high-quality tea. It doesn't have to be expensive, but you don't want to use generic orange pekoe tea bags from the grocery store.  A great source for inexpensive quality tea is your local TJ Maxx, Ross, Home Goods, or other stores of that type.  There are, of course, local specialty stores, and even really expensive options like Teavana (which does have amazing tea that can be brewed repeatedly, if your pocketbook can stand the cost...).

Use the spoon to add tea to your chosen receptacle.  I usually fill the t-sac bags about halfway, shaking them down to make sure the tea fills the bottom completely. The bag on the left is full.

If using the t-sacs, fold the top down two times (see bag on left in the photo), then thread the bamboo skewer through the top.  See below for a close up of this method.

How to thread the skewer through the t-sac: weave it in back and forth.

Once you've threaded the two t-sacs on your skewer, rest it across your receptacle.  Make sure whatever you use is safe to receive very hot water without suffering from thermal shock, and that your tea will be immersed in the water when you fill the receptacle.  I use this metal mixing bowl that was damaged: the bend in the rim makes a kind of "spout," which I really like.

Or, Use Tea Bags:

I find that four normal tea bags is enough to make a gallon of iced tea.  Here's what I do to use them: using the paper tab at the end of the string, I tie the tea bags to my bamboo skewer.  I basically just make the beginning of a knot: the tab keeps them from falling off.

Step One: bring tab over the skewer so it hangs off the back.

 

Step Two: tuck the tab through the circle made just below the skewer.

Step Three: pull tight.

Do this for all four tea bags on the same skewer, then lay it across your receptacle. 

 

4. Brew Your Water

 

 As I said before, I adore the Adagio utiliTEA Electric Kettle. It's the best gift I've ever given myself!  Although it brews water quickly, can be set down on the base facing any direction, and has a stay-cool handle, what makes it so exceptional is that it has a variable temperature gauge, made just for tea brewing! As you can see in the photo, the gauge goes from low temp (left) to high temp (right), which a special section for green teas (conveniently marked in green) and black tea (marked in brown).  I didn't like green tea until I finally made it with this kettle. It's amazing what a difference it makes when tea is made with the right temperature water, and this kettle makes it so easy!  Sadly, it's currently back-ordered everywhere. Guess it was just too popular!  But keep checking, and hopefully you can get your hands on one sometime soon!  Anyways, if you are making green or white tea and have a kettle like this, set it for that temperature.  If you're brewing black, turn it all the way to the right (or heat water to boiling).  This kettle makes four cups at a time, so that's what I make.

5. Start Making Tea (About Time, Right?)

 While your water is brewing, check out the time your tea should brew.  Many teas come with this information on the label or jar.  If not, consult a guide. I find that the information on the back of Teavana's bags is really useful, so I cut it out and kept it.  You can see it below, in case it's helpful for you too!  Keep in mind that the guidelines for iced tea on the chart assume you're brewing it all at once. Since we're doing a pot at a time, use the times for hot tea.

Teavana's tea brewing guide, with water temp and brewing time.

Using those time guidelines, when the water is ready, pour it over your tea and set a timer.  Refill your kettle and set it to heating again while your tea brews.  Sometimes the two take the same amount of time (score!), but if that's not the case, make sure you're nearby so your tea doesn't get that bitter tannic acid flavor from overbrewing!

6. Rinse and Repeat (well, just the latter, actually...)

Once your tea has brewed, lift the tea out and place it on the upturned lid.  Pour the tea into your prepared pitcher.  Then replace the tea in your brewing receptacle, and pour any tea from the lid into the pitcher, too. Repeat this process three times, so you've brewed four kettles (16 cups) of tea, total. You can be less vigilant about the time you brew the tea with your last batch; it will be a weaker brew to begin with. so a little more time won't hurt.

7. You Can Almost Taste The Refreshment!

Now all you have to do is wait for your tea to cool!  I like to put my pitcher on a trivet to elevate it so it cools faster.  

If, like me, you can't wait for your first glass, just fill a cup with ice and pour the hot brew over it.  It'll be a little watery, but still very good.  Once the tea has completely cooled, put the lid on and refrigerate. You'll have delicious iced tea for days...if it lasts that long!

Beet Burgers to Die For...

I cannot take credit for this recipe!  I got it from the fabulous farmers that run Muddy Fingers Farm and our CSA (not sure what a CSA is? follow the link...): Matthew and Liz.  They shared the recipe on the blog they write for our CSA.  Then Liz encouraged me to try them, saying they were amazing. Not only were they as good as she said, but my husband, who usually runs with the "it's not a meal if it doesn't include meat" crowd, loved them! Best of all, they're really healthy, even if they don't taste that way, and they're a great excuse to visit your local farmer's market, even at this time of year.  Carrots and beets may be available!

So that you can get your beet burger on, too, I'm sharing the recipe here and on Pinterest. My comments are in square brackets, while Liz and Matthew's are in parenthesis.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think...and what you decide to top your beet burger with!

Beet Burgers
Notes, in parenthesis, are from Muddy Fingers Farm

• 2 cups grated beets
• 2 cups grated carrots
• ½ cup grated onions
• 1 cup cooked rice (I make a little extra in advance, if I know I am going to be making beet burgers)
• 1 cup toasted sunflower seeds
• ½ cup toasted sesame seeds
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 2 T soy sauce
• 1 cup grated cheddar cheese
• 3 T flour
• ¼ cup oil

Minced fresh or dried garlic, cayenne, and parsley or other herbs to taste.

Toast seeds in a dry pan for several minutes, stir often. Mix all ingredients, form into patties and bake at 350*F. [they didn’t say how long to cook these. . .could take anywhere from 15-30 mins, or maybe more, depending on your oven. They get browned on edges and a much darker color overall when done. Flip them over after 10 or so minutes; they're yummier if you cook them on each side.] They can also can be make in a skillet (easier for just a few). Frozen ones can be reheated in a toaster oven.

(Since this is one of our all time favorite recipes, we will make a double or triple recipe at once and freeze the extras, then they make a quick meal when we are in a hurry. A food processor is your best friend for these!)

Living With Your Body…For Life

“I hate my thighs – they’re too big!” 

Although it’s distressing to think of any person hating their body, it’s especially hard to hear statements like this coming from girls as young as six and seven years old. Of course, each era and fashion trend conceives an ideal body image, and women of all ages end up comparing their bodies to that type, but it seems that only in recent years have very young girls joined in on this unhealthy activity.  Sadly, most people who participate in comparing themselves find their bodies lacking, and although few go so far as to become obsessed, I think there are far too many women with a negative view of their bodies.

     Yesterday, my friend S and I ended up discussing the issues so many of us have with our body image.  We bemoaned the effects of the media, discussed young girls we know who are already comparing themselves to the "ideal," and even talked about the cultural differences that seem to support or deny these kind of comparisons.  S had recently attended a baby shower for an African-American couple we know, and spoke with awe about the gorgeous Black women she saw there. She was amazed at how comfortable they seemed in their own bodies and marveled that the women were unafraid to be seen eating in public.  (What kind of world do we live in where it’s unique to feel comfortable eating in front of others?)  I get what S was saying; I distinctly remember a time I went out with some female acquaintances and directly experienced the ways women pressure each other to feel ashamed of food and eating.

Is this a dinner?

      On that night, a group of women in a social group I’d joined got together for dinner after shopping together. There were about 10 of us, and when our waitress came up to take our orders, I was the first person she turned to.  I’d planned on eating dinner and was quite hungry, so I ordered an entrée (complete with protein, starch, and veggies) and added a trip to the restaurant's healthy and fabulous salad bar.  As the women to my left gave their requests to the waitress, I noticed that the amount of food each one ordered was smaller and smaller until we reached the last woman.  She ordered a cup of soup. For dinner. She gave us the beatific look of a saint among sinners, and many of the other women looked chagrined and even angry.  When the food arrived, there seemed to be a competition to see who was the least hungry (and, thus, most virtuous) as several of the women pushed nearly full plates away, saying they were "stuffed."  I was appalled, but I still had to fight hard to eat the amount of food my body actually wanted, because the urge to join them in starving was very intense.  Mind you, this was with a group of women I didn't know well nor particularly admired. Imagine if they'd been mentors or idols of mine! 

     I’ve fought with food and body issues for most of my life.  It’s scenes like the one above that drove me to eat tiny portions around others, then binge when I was alone and safe from judging stares.  I hate to think of what that environment is doing to the women I know, their daughters, and any future children I might have. 

     Yesterday afternoon, I came across the following quote in a comment Nancy A. made to a blog post by Claire:

I went to a Catholic school, nuns and all, and I had one crusty teacher who used to get on the girls' cases about body image. That wasn't the term used back then, but that's what she meant. Anyway, if she ever heard any of us complain about our bodies, you know, "I hate my elbows!" she used to march us up to the mirror on the back of the classroom door, make us look at our elbows, and apologize to them--because those were our elbows and we were going to have to live with them for life. Believe it or not, for a gawky 13-year-old, the idiotic words "I'm sorry, elbows" (and we had to say it out loud in front of her) is remarkably cathartic! It brings great inner peace. It lets go of the noun-clutter of objects and brings life back to just living.

I loved this idea!  Although I’m not sure that the logic used by Nancy’s teacher is the entire reason we need to make peace with the body we currently have, I do think that apologizing to your body is a great step towards learning to love it.  We all have different bodies, but there is something lovely about every single one. S mentioned that she wished she could do something to help women see that loveliness, and perhaps Nancy’s teacher’s technique is one of those ways.  Maybe, in addition to apologizing to our body, we need to have a conversation with it, view it with our own eyes without the “noun-clutter of objects” and see what we, personally, find beautiful about it.  

Although it’s more of a tactile than visual experience, I have to say that one part of my body I enjoy is my belly, which is much, much larger than I’d like it to be (because I’m comparing it with the way I’m “supposed” to look, mind you…otherwise, how would I know how large it’s meant to be?). Regardless of its size (or perhaps because of it?) my belly is extremely soft, not just because of the fat below the skin’s surface, but the skin itself: it's like a baby’s.  I have no idea why that is, but the contrast between the immensely appealing texture of my belly (and the calming sensation of having this “forbidden and ugly” part of my body touched in a loving way) causes great consternation in my soul.  I think it may be because an appreciative view is so at odds with the highly negative way I usually regard that part of my body. This experience makes me think it’s quite possible that one of the best ways to challenge our media-influenced views of beauty may be to honestly assess how we, ourselves, view our bodies.  What do we like, regardless of what society might say?

Beyonce and her incredible thighs...

Last night, after the conversation with S and reading this quote, I found myself flipping through channels and landing on the first installment of Oprah’s Surprise Special.  One of the performers was Beyoncé, who was wearing a modified tuxedo that ended at the top of her thighs.  Her toned and gorgeous legs were very much on display as she danced with incredibly energy and skill, while singing about the way women run the world.* In spite of the excitement and inspiration I felt as I listened to the words she was singing,  I realized that I was, subconsciously, comparing the width of her thighs to the size of the dancers’ thighs around her and to the ideal I, apparently, keep in my head for important times like this. What is that insanity and why is it in my head?  I had a crazy conversation with myself about Beyoncé’s thighs and whether they are too big.  How insane is that?  I worked hard on convincing myself that her legs are absolutely gorgeous and, obviously, very functional, but I can’t help the feeling I have that somewhere in my brain is the belief that she needs to be skinnier.

Sigh.  Obviously, it will take a lot of hard work to uncover and destroy the millions of messages I’ve taken in over the years about how women have to be in order to be beautiful and worthy.  I think the fight is worth it, though—if not for us, then for the girls who follow us: we all deserve to feel good about our bodies, even our thighs!

For more discussion of loving our bodies and the disturbing trend towards emaciation in our "role models," check out my post entitled "Sexy?".

*You can see Beyoncé’s performance in this video. It’s amazing!

Unique Stress Relievers

I had a really anxious day last week. Sometimes I'm amazed by how much jittery energy can flow through my body at one time, considering the “healthy” dose of anti-anxiety meds I'm on. In spite of "better living through chemistry," from time-to-time I find myself in need of something else to help calm my wild nerves. I've collected a couple of rather unique ways to cope, and I thought I’d share them with you in hopes that you find some inspiration!

1. At the Carwash ("work, and work...")

About a ten-minute drive from our house is an oasis of calm and peace: the Magic Carwash. There's something immensely soothing about this drive-through carwash:  from the shush, shush of the bright blue brushes that swirl around the car in a shower of foamy soapsuds, to the susurration of the long blue strips of chamois as the slide over the hood, and even the gentle swaying of the car as it's guided past each station. Sometimes, I imagine that I'm under the sea in a slowly swaying kelp forest, and since the ocean is one of my favorite places in the whole world, this fantasy gives me a sense of calm and rest. By the time my clean, shiny car slides out the other end, my spirit is restored and I'm ready to face the world with a peaceful heart.

Wheeeee....there goes my stress!

2. On The Swings

I've never been any good at sports, but I did learn one athletic skill in elementary school: how to pump my legs while swinging so I didn't need anyone to push me.  Even though I'm scared of heights, I’ve always found swinging to be a source of great joy. I still love an occasional ride on a park swing when I'm down, but the time when this brought me the most peace was when I was in college at CLU.  My junior year was the most stressful time I had as an undergrad, and I found myself in great need of a stress-reliever after tests or big presentations. I'm not sure how it started, but I developed a ritual of making the time to always spend 15 minutes on the swings in the park near my dorm room after each tough assignment or test was over. It always calmed me down, and sometimes, I even convinced a friend to join me!

3. My Bathroom

Okay, this one’s weird enough that I even contemplated keeping it to myself, but I find my bathroom to be one of my favorite places for stress relief!  We renovated our upstairs bathroom a couple years ago, and it has truly become my haven.  Decorated in my favorite colors, with a periwinkle blue floor and bright yellow walls, I find it both peaceful and energizing.  There are three huge windows under an eave, so I am able to enjoy sunshine without being too hot in the summer.  There are a million lights around our mirror, and every bulb is full-spectrum, to chase away my winter blues, but we have them on a dimmer, so I can turn them way down to take a comforting bath with candles.  My latest book is usually there, too.  The fact that it’s a place where I can shut the door and shut out the world has a lot to do with why I find my bathroom a perfect place to cope with anxiety.

4. The Beach…on an overcast day

Notice: gloomy beach = happy Laurie! :)

While I’m fairly certain a sunny beach is a favorite place for most people to relax, I find the beach helps me most when it’s overcast and deserted.  I like to walk on the cool, wet sand, listen to the seagulls and waves, and breathe in the sea air. Just the smell of the salt water makes me shoulders sink down to a healthy position and drives away any anxiety that has me in its grip. The gloomier the weather, the better…probably because it means I can be alone with my thoughts and enjoy my favorite place in the world on my own terms.  I stay away on those hot, sunny days when the beach is covered in sun worshipers, but if it’s overcast and cool, you can bet I’ll be down by the water!

5. Laughing!

Scientists have frequently touted the health benefits of laughter, and I’m sure you have your own “research” that supports their claim.  It’s hard to feel stressed or gloomy when you’re laughing until your sides hurt!  So laughing itself is hardly novel, but I find that what makes me laugh usually is.  You know when you’re in a theatre watching a movie and suddenly, you hear someone laughing loudly although everyone else is silent?  That’s me!  I have a strange sense of humor and things that make me laugh seem to rarely inspire others to the same response.  I find that absurdity and irony provide the kinds of laughs that make me feel everything will be alright, so when I’m feel anxious, I keep a look out for those kind of things.

Now that I’ve shared some of my more unique ways to handle anxiety, I’d love to hear what you do.  Please share your tips and tricks in the comments section; I look forward to learning some new ways to keep my cool!

Sexy?

   I recently came across the following photo, which features Victoria "Posh" Beckham, posed to sell Armani lingerie.

Sexy? More like "scary!"

   I found the photo in an article entitled Victoria Beckham bends over backwards to look sexy in another smouldering Armani lingerie ad. Obviously, the marketing team at Armani believe that Beckham looks the way one would want to look while wearing their lingerie, since it's hard to sell clothing by featuring someone wearing it that looks awful. People tend to buy clothing that looks beautiful and sexy on others in hopes that we will look just as good, simply by putting it on. That fact, plus the title and copy of the article, lead me to believe that more than one person finds Posh attractive in this photo--some even find her "smoldering."

   Count me out. I find this photo incredibly disturbing. After I noticed the lovely contrast of shadows on her skin, the shocking realization hit me: those shadows were caused by the incredibly deep hollows of a human being's emaciated body. I immediately thought of the black and white photos I've seen of concentration camp victims during the holocaust. And of the body of one of my dear friends, who has battled anorexia and won, but still has trouble with feeling okay in her own skin, in spite of the fact that her wrists look like they could be snapped by a stiff breeze. In a word, this photo is scary.

   I shared it with a group of women I respect deeply, with whom I had bonded over a common dedication to losing weight in a healthy, slow way. Since we've expressed similar views on health being far more important than one's weight, I felt sharing this with them would mean sharing it with like-minded people. Much to my surprise, while some found the pose itself to blame for Posh's razor-like hip bones, the majority felt that the photo was not scary, as I believed, but very sexy. Some even expressed that they wish they looked as she does. This was enough to have me sobbing in my nutritionist's office...sobbing for me, for my sisters, for the young girls who are being influenced by this even now, and for these women, who, even in their dedication to health and feeling good about themselves, have been unable to exorcise the demons of media-defined beauty.

   Please know that I'm not saying that I find thin bodies ugly. Naturally thin and healthy bodies, such as my friend "M" has, are both lovely and sexy. I know M well enough to be fully aware that she eats regularly and healthfully, and that her thin body is a natural shape for her. She's an avid runner, and this ensures that she's usually very slim. M radiates health and peace from her willowy frame.

   I think, frankly, that there's beauty in every frame. As Eve Ensler said, we all need to "love our tree," whatever the shape of our trunk and branches. I don't want even Posh to feel bad about how she looks. But I find it difficult to believe that Posh's shape is a result of healthy living. I think, instead, that she's suffering from an eating disorder, and the media has chosen to glorify the results as the pinnacle of beauty. It's a standard which few can meet, and most who try will find themselves ill or even dead as a result.

   I am trying my best to feel good about who I am and who I will be when I reach my goal weight. I'll have hips--juicy ones, at that--compliments of my Eastern European ancestors. I'll have high cheekbones and chubby cheeks. I have large "curves" above and below. And though I'll have hipbones, they are unlikely to cut like a knife. I'll have thick, powerful legs with defined muscles, and my arms, though slightly flabby underneath, will be muscled too. I'm almost there in some areas and still working on it in the meantime. But I hurt when I think about how others feel about their own bodies as a result of photos like this one of Beckham. I wish there were some way for me to flood the industry wth images of beauty that show women's shapes in all their glory. Here are two images that do that...though the first is more inspirational (the second is just funny...):

Nike "Big Butt" Ad

Curves "Motivational" poster

   What do you think? Are you able to escape the media's definition of beauty? How can we deal with this issue? I'd love to talk about it!